Thursday, January 21, 2010

sip 'n stare

















In the middle of winter, it's trite to say that one misses warmer weather.

In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "No duh!"

But I think I've found something that I miss more than weather above 32 degrees. Cafes. Despite the enjoyable parts of reverting back to the more casual, laid-back life of a Chicagoan, there's something to be said for the occasional caffeinated oasis in New York. I'm not sure if it's the momentary suspension of constant things, or it's simply the act of sitting, or even the combination of sitting still, sipping coffee/tea, and having the default become listening to the conversations fill the air around you . . . but I'm pretty sure that right there is one of life's greatest moments. Sitting down, suspending self, absorbing audio, observing body language, exposing yourself to new ideas in books, exposing your ideas to new ideas in your unconscious, and getting high on caffeine. Damn, that's pretty awesome.

Alas, that same oasis doesn't exist in Chicago. There are cafes, there are people, there are books, blogs, music, and even 3 million people. All of which are idiosyncratic and equally interesting as anywhere else in the world. But the hum doesn't really go silent in quite the same manner.

Not sure what that means.

I suppose I should just wish for the warm weather and be done with it.

(photo via brittnybadger)

Monday, January 11, 2010

plagued with ambivalence


















In my head, I always imagined this post to be analogous to shouting down an abandoned well. I was going to start out this post with a picture of tumbleweed.

Instead I chose to highlight my own ambivalence. After all, this space is less about the blog than it is about what goes on in my head. Thus, I've depicted what it feels like in my head.

Stop and go. At the same time. Go! Er, I mean . . .

You see? It can be a bit confusing.

See, I have the best intentions for this space, but it always seems to go wrong. I've discovered lots of neat things online, and I've been able to capture my thoughts (like here and here), but blogging seems to be taking a very distant back seat. Why?

Don't answer that.

See that was a trap. A blogging trap. Writers do that to include readers in their story. I don't want you involved in my story. Or, at least, not this first entry back. It always feels like the tin man . . . sans singing, emotional issues and the joyous posse.

Don't fall into the trap. Let me just get this out my system.

You see, the ambivalence grew out of a seedling of distraction watered by a gardener of expectation. Personal and interpersonal. Thanks to the loyal reader around New Brunswick, NJ who continues to visit. And a huge thank you to my friends in Europe and South America that tuned in while I abandoned the blog.

As a side note -- my blog was only about 2 years old, if you count the blog transplant as a "my dad got a new job and dragged me and the family along with him" move. What happens if you abandon a child at the age of 2? I think there might be more consistency in blog writing if it was considered a new generation of myself. A part of me living on, sort of. Hmm, maybe it would just be motivating because of the punishment, rather . . . you know, punishment rather than reward. Something to think about.

Anyway, not sure if it's going to be another 4 months before another one of these goes up, but the urge presented itself so I pounced.